I know you want me to disregard you

I’ve noticed you direct these scenarios where you are cruel to me, then incredulously ask why I care. Why do I keep being thoughtful and helpful and hopeful.

At least you are self-aware that you are ungrateful and neglectful. Still, I know you want me to forget or resent you, but I don’t. I do pity you and still wish you well, even if you don’t wish me the same. And even though you don’t want to talk to me any longer. Cutting me out may be what you want now, but I don’t know if it will stay that way.

I do feel sorry that you strung me along, or maybe I was just too optimistic, that one day your emotional turmoil would subside and you’d finally be ready for a bigger and better breed of friendship. It tested my patience, and your mannerisms often seemed to indicate to me that this readiness would happen sooner rather than later. But then I’d confront this, and in astonishment, you would tell me this upgrade still could only happen later. When will you be ready? The process is gradual. You don’t have to experience a nirvana or epiphany in order to be equipped for romance.

I can try to find someone else who is ready. No promises. Hopefully, you find your wholeness.

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