Please see me.

I want someone to reach out and stop this hiatus. I’ve been too emotional to do anything about it. I’ve really wanted to stay in touch, across multiple media, even the postal service. I bought three beautiful books of international forever stamps. I gave you some of my address stickers. I’m never awake at the right time to apologize in real time, for I know that’s the best way to reconcile. And not just in real time, but in real time at normal, daytime hours. I think part of the reason we argued last time is because it was an odd hour, maybe 3 or 4am where you were, and I just kept chatting idly.

I recently got back in touch with someone. Someone who I cared about more than I should have, and someone whose actions made me very emotional, confused, and upset. But that’s subsided now, and I think we are back to the better chemistry we used to have. But this happened after two and half long years without talking. While when we’ve written one another, it doesn’t seem like time passed much, and in the grand scheme of things, I guess it hasn’t, I still want us to patch up things much sooner than that connection. While this connection is a mentor/older sibling relationship, I feel our relationship is even more important.

We are supportive. We help one another professionally, academically, and emotionally. You make me laugh, and you know to treat servicers with respect and acknowledge the talents that go into even the most menial labor. I regret treating you as less than a friend. I regret cussing and yelling at you about my problems and stress. I regret always trying to speak and be as verbose as possible to get myself out of trouble.

I hope one day we can pick up where we left off. I think of you often, and despite your pleas and my own curiosity, I haven’t found any replacement. Truth be told, befriending, networking and dating are exhausting. I’m often unfriendly and give off the wrong impression. Sometimes though, I am friendly or honest, and this is met with disrespect. You are one of the few who hadn’t shifted into wantonness at the expense of my niceties, and that’s something I love about you. That’s something that I know will take a long time to replicate in anyone else I meet.

Please see me, and please forgive me.

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