A better gift for naughty children

Costume jewelry.

Coal is too valuable. After all, marcasite is coal, diamonds are coal, graphite is coal…so many great minerals are coal.

But costume jewelry is nickel, brass copper, plastic, rubber, fabrics, and so much other cheap stuff. And it disappoints so quickly. It will break just as soon as you buy it. Not only that, but it will turn your skin green or give you zits and welts and itches.

I don’t understand why people bother. Real jewelry isn’t even vastly more expensive. A lot of the time, it’s only $5 more. Sometimes real jewelry is even the exact same price as costume. We have some sterling silver earrings for $9.99.

I cringe at the younger me who bought crap from Primark or Clare’s or Charlotte Russe, or the fashion jewelry section on the Norwegian Dawn. Sure, I wasn’t working that summer, but everything was duty-free anyway.

Please don’t send us anymore costume jewelry shipments. We have enough.